Saturday, July 22, 2017

Walls

For the past few years I have been busy constructing walls. Thick, strong walls that allow no one person to enter unless I know them well (in some cases this isn't even allowed) or have given birth to them. The only exceptions, well is here on line. Probably this is because I feel safe, and my knowledge of all of you is just limited to what you blog, much like what I allow out on my blog, or the forum I moderate.

Mind you what I write here or on the forum is more than I allow most people in my life to see.

The wall building started a few years ago, mostly when our priest decided to go on a verbal rampage about how most of us were only on Parish council because we had our own agenda (this after he asked me to come back) and later when he said all we did was gossip.....

The foundation was set with the first rampage, and I slowly but surely laid course after course of strong and thick stone. By the time the second outbreak occurred, that wall was getting higher and higher, to protect me from verbal tongue lashings and so no one could say I was gossiping about others in our parish.

I didn't really consider that others would notice my drawing back, or that they would wonder why I was no longer going out for coffee, or phoning just to see how they were feeling and what they were up to. I guess I was wrong. People did notice, I am not smiling as much, I am not sharing as much, and I hide myself making sure that others will have no reason to run to our priest and say nasty things about me.

I actually think that Father Brian has noticed me distancing myself from activities in the parish and pulling back from my friendship with him.

Father Brian will be leaving at the end of the month, and while it is more than likely too late to demolish all the walls before he leaves, I do think it might me time to start to try to lower them block, by block. It will take awhile, and I may even rebuild them countless times, but I need to feel a part of my community of faith once again.

Everybody have a wonderful evening.

God bless.

4 comments:

Frugal in Essex Tania said...

How sad that someone in a respected position like that should make you feel so uncomfortable. Most people gossip it's part of everyday life and as long as it's not malicious or untrue it doesn't do any harm. Take care. Tx

johnnyjumpsup said...

Like you, I am very careful not to engage in gossiping about others, and I don't think that that is a bad thing.

It is difficult not to get drawn into malicious gossiping, but I always try to think of the motto 'do as you would be done by' and if you say something unpleasant about someone, especially if it is untrue, based on misinformation or limited facts about that person's situation, don't be surprised if you find yourself on the receiving end of the same treatment. None of us know a person's real situation, despite what they choose to tell us.

It's likely that some people might gossip maliciously about you anyway, motivated by many different things, but I try not to worry about that and always think that that is between themselves and their own conscience and there's little I can do to prevent it. If I feel I am being my best self and behaving in a reasonable manner, I don't care what anyone else thinks of me.

Mum said...

Here's the beginning of a hymn we sang at school.
You can build a wall around you
Stone by stone a solid ring
You can live alone in an empty home
Be in charge and be the king!!

Break out!
Reach out!
Make the walls tumble down down down
Break out!
Reach out!
Make the walls tumble down.

Your post reminded me of these lyrics. Hope your walls come tumbling down soon but keep a room to yourself for you alone.

xx

Frugal in Essex Tania said...

Happy birthday Harvey. Great menu planning.