Here I thought I was cruising along to a more simple, laid back life. One where I could relax and enjoy retirement even more than I already do.
Then a couple of days ago after I told my sister Joanne, that our one brother was now in a Nursing Home and going to be assessed, she decided I should phone/get in contact with the other brother, Jay.
Jay and I have never gotten along even as children. I really don't know why, but we just haven't. Joanne and Jay are closer, so I told her that perhaps she should contact him and find out what was happening with Jerry (disabled brother). So she did message him on Facebook and boy, oh boy things are getting complicated once again.
Jay was having fits and saying that we would all have to chip in and pay for Jerry's stay if it turned out he was to be put in the Nursing Home. We live in Saskatchewan and Nursing Home costs are based on what a person's income is with the government paying the rest and leaving the resident a bit for use on personal items. So Joanne started to send Jay information about that. Hopefully it helps Jay navigate the process a bit better. Though I rather have my doubts.
Next thing I know, Joanne is messaging me that Jay says Jerry is now on 22 pills a day and they are costing a fortune. He goes on to say perhaps we can help pay for those..... Then it's a message that the place Jerry is in wants to give him a $750.00 a month shot!!! Perhaps we can pay for that as well. Cause you know a guy who hasn't worked in, oh I would say 25 years can't afford to (this is Jay, not Jerry who is disabled and gets disability right now).
My Dad made sure Jerry was well covered in his will, but both Joanne and I figure Jay somehow spent most if not all of that money, except for a small amount that couldn't be touched until Jerry turns 60 or perhaps 65. Now he is in trouble and Jay expects us to come to his aid.
Harvey has already said that we would give money, but not to Jay. The money would go directly to the pharmacy or to the Nursing Home if that is where Jerry ends up. Joanne, crickets....nada, no offer to help out at all. To tell the truth out of the two of us Joanne and her husband are very wealthy and could easily afford to help out. Yet she does not seem to be willing to at all.
I kind of giggled on one of her texts when she said "we" have a big problem and that "we" should be concerned about Jerry more. Heck, I have phoned him every Saturday for the last 7 or 8 years (probably more) and told her that things were very strange, that Jay was removing pills, and Jerry was really not eating very well at all. I would also buy Jerry clothing or give him small gifts. When I would tell her my concerns I would get, "Oh, well really that is not our problem." Perhaps if we had stepped in earlier things would not have devolved to what is happening now.
Hopefully things will be resolved soon, and I can plan accordingly and get back to traveling towards a more simple and enjoyable life.
Sorry for the rant, but things just got to me and I needed to vent.
Everybody have a wonderful evening.
God bless.
It’s your blog so you’re allowed to rant away. Siblings always seem to revert back to childhood behavior. When my Mother was admitted to a nursing home, it was as you described. They kept her teeny, tiny SS check and left her with 30$ a month. They had an in-house beauty shop so that paid for her haircuts. I paid the majority of any other extras which weren’t many. I see where you’re all named with J’s. Two sisters have 16 children between them and ALL of their names start with J.
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong with a good rant.
ReplyDeleteWow, heavy duty family stuff. Your relationship with Jay reminds me of my husband and his brother who hates us. Thankfully he's up in WA state and we're in California. After my father-in-law passed, the brother demanded to see the will so my husband sent him the copy - he was named in it alright. To not get a penny because of the way he had treated his father. we haven't heard from him since!
The main thing is that Jerry is able to be taken care of and Harvey's right. Go through the nursing home and such and totally stay out of your brothers way.
You can still have that peaceful life - its always about how we eventually respond...after a good rant. I believe in you, Jackie.
'We'? I agree with Harvey or just say 'sorry, no, we have to look after ourselves, that's is our primary responsibility.'
ReplyDelete(Does that sound hard?)
xx
I understand your plight, last year older brother D went into a close unit for his health, another brother M is overseeing everything and keeps in contact, BUT never would we allow our sister L to handle any funds, she looked after our younger brother, and put him into shelter housing when his funds ran out, which went down so fast once she got involved.
ReplyDeleteYou vent all you want to!
ReplyDeleteHaving someone with disabilities in the family is always a worry when money enters the mix and it is usually (but not always) the case that those with the most money are the most reluctant to put their hands in their pockets to help out.
I think Harvey's right. The best way to make sure that any money you contribute is actually benefitting Jerry is to make sure it goes directly to those providing his care. That's a caring and sensible man you have there :)
Unload as needed, it's your blog! Seriously, do not take on someone else's financial responsibilities at risk of your own stable future. Not your circus, not your monkey. Sending any $ marks you. I'd stick with past habits of sending clothing articles or other items/gifts as you are moved to do so.
ReplyDeletePeace.
That's tough, Jackie. I sure hope things get settled. I take it the frustrating brother has financial power of attorney. I don't know Canadian law, but without full disclosure of all accounting, Jay cant demand a penny. Harvey's right too that nothing to him.
ReplyDeleteFamily dynamics can be a problem for many. I am sorry all of this is happening for everyone involved. Harvey is so right, only give $$ to the facility where your brother is - never to another family member. Just keep doing your life your way and all can be good.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, rant away. So sorry to hear that your brother is having health problems. I hope that the government are able to help with the costs of his care as a vulnerable citizen. It's good that you and Harvey are willing to help if needed. I can understand your frustration, as you have been trying to help him all this time and keep in touch.
ReplyDeleteOh goodness, reading this makes me even happier that I'm an only child. Try to stay positive, and only do what you can (or want to) do.
ReplyDeleteFamilies! Harvey is right, if you are going to contribute financially, make sure you do it directly. My OH who is a retired Accountant, says it sounds like misappropriation of funds. And vent all you want, its your blog. Hugs Xx
ReplyDeleteOof, I'm so sorry to hear that - the family dynamics & the poor health of everyone involved. That sounds really challenging. Very much in agreement that if you choose to help, you would have the most impact by giving to the facility. - Hawaii Planner
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. The other brother and even the sister with the money money sounds a bit of work. I'm glad you can vent here. Thank you for sharing this with us. Here's to getting back to simple. Because to me, this is emotional clutter and who da'heck needs that? Not nobody.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds much like a situation a friend of mine found herself in a few years ago. I'm assuming that Jay has power of attorney over Jerry's affairs, which definitely complicates things. In my case, my Dad had no income beyond his CPP and OAS, and the nursing home took about 85% of that. I would be surprised that the nursing home would charge more than that, unless Jay is trying to place him a private care home.
ReplyDeleteThere is a Senior Drug plan and a low income plan as well - again, I'd expect Jerry is part of that as well. The $750 shot sounds a bit scammy to be honest.
If you know who his doctor is, you may be able to get some information from him/her. In any event, I agree with Harvey, any contribution must be provided to either the pharmacy or the care home.
Good luck!
Oh dear, family problems. But as you are thinking, that one brother has used the other brothers money for himself, that is indeed a serious legal problem.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, my heart goes out to you, Jackie. Family dynamics can be hard to navigate in times like these. I'll be remembering you all in my prayers,
ReplyDeleteYou can pick your friends, your family your stuck with. Things get so ugly and out of perspective when $ is involved, people get stupid. I'm with Harvey, if you will help directly to the source needed, follow your gut. Adding you to my prayer list for peace.
ReplyDeleteArgh, sorry you're going through that, and no apology needed for the rant. Not good for you to keep that all bottled up. I'm not sure any of you need to pay his bills. If his care is based on his income. I mean unless you are listed as his Guardians, you're not legally responsible are you? Best of luck to you getting through this. Sounds like you need to come right out and ask your sister why she's not stepping up? If you're all going to get involved, then she should.
ReplyDeleteDear Jackie, bless your heart ❤️
ReplyDeleteI guess my being an only child is sometimes a good thing.
Sending you much love.
Feel free to vent anytime, this is your space and you have us friends to support when needed. Sounds like such a sad situation and I'm so sorry for what you are dealing with. you and Harvey have good hearts but I agree that Joanne should also pitch in just as much! Good luck and hugs.
ReplyDelete