This is perhaps the hardest thing I have had to learn over the past few years. I am a people pleaser to nth degree and saying no is not something that comes easily to me.
I have gotten better, though I do find it very hard to say no to people I like and care about. It is amazingly easy to say no to things that do not interest me, or to those that I feel just use me (we all have those types in the periphery of our lives).
Another place I have problems saying no is to fabric or yarn that people want to give me..... I always figure I can find a way to use even the smallest scraps of anything. Which of course means the sewing/craft room gets slightly crowded. Must definitely work on that one.
Oh, and books. Books are just wonderful ways to travel to unknow places, or solve a mystery.
There are those things that I have always said no to though, like overspending the budget (it happens once in awhile here), or purchasing something just for the sake of keeping up with the neighbours.
I also find it very easy to say no to people who ask for money on the phone. I used to say please send the information via the mail, but since the vast majority never did, a simple sorry no on the phone works very well.
Saying no to something that does not fit my morals is also easy and always has been since I was a child. Thank heavens as this kept me out of a great deal of trouble growing up.
Saying no can be difficult but it can be done. I am a work in progress on this, and I can see as I learn to say no my life getting so much simpler.
Everybody have a wonderful evening.
God bless.
Dear Jackie, I am one who has absolutely no problem with saying "no." I just make sure to do it kindly. For the fabrics I would say "I really appreciate you thinking of me, but quite honestly, I have more than I know what to do with, so I am trying to minimize what I already have."
ReplyDeleteI think saying no can be difficult for many people because they are afraid of hurting the person's feelings. However, if it is done gently but firmly, most people will not be hurt or offended.
I will keep you in my prayers, dear friend. Thank you so much for sharing this. God bless you.
I could have written that first paragraph. I’m a people pleasure too and find it hard to set boundaries. I love books too and would have my own library if I didn’t control it. 😂
ReplyDeleteI had a friend who had no trouble saying no to salesmen on the phone and hanging up, which I thought I could never do, but with robocalls now, I have overcome that problem. 😂
I am just like you Jackie - when it comes to struggling to say No. I am a people pleaser too & it has taken me 60 years to learn that it was getting me nowhere. I was so bad at it & it affected every aspect of my life & left me unwell.
ReplyDeleteI now have a verse on my fridge, printed out - that talks about setting boundaries & how it is my job to set them & enforce them ... & I read it every day. I really enjoyed this post - thank you Jackie. xx
same here. I am a work in progress but it's still taking time.
ReplyDeleteIt is a complete sentence and a perfect answer! It is hard sometimes. My only problem is the grocery store - as it is a place I love. Oh, my animals. Otherwise I can say no without a problem.
ReplyDeleteI like Linda's comment above on how to handle the yarn & extra fabric. That's very politely worded. We are rarely asked for monetary donations, but we do help family a lot (without asking, treated as a gift). We do that because we want to, and our family is very close & helps out in lots of non-monetary ways. So, it feels good to be able to do that from our side. - Hawaii Planner
ReplyDeleteThroughout the years, I’ve learned the hard way, to not say yes, when I need to say no! I’m pretty good at it now.
ReplyDeleteNo comes fairly easily me me. At least most of the time. I had a more difficult time at work.
ReplyDeleteI think it is a valuable lesson for all of us. I find age, it is easier, but still have to work on it when close friends are involved.
ReplyDeleteBtw, I never say 'yes' right away when asked for a favor. I always say, 'that depends' and go from there.